Adrift or Anchored?

“Either we’re adrift in the chaos or we’re individuals made, loved, upheld and are purposefully, exactly where we are. Can we trust God for that?”

Elizabeth Eliot

I recently just moved from southern coastal Maine to the Pacific Northwest, the Columbia River Gorge, but on the Washington side to be exact and am writing in a quaint cafe in Hood River, OR. It feels a bit surreal to be in a totally different context and setting, and the Covid protocols are enforced a bit more strictly here as there are mask mandates in effect and people by and large are abiding by them. Many have asked me how I feel about such a big move and major life transition, and honestly, over the scope of this past year and a half with all that has happened and with the particular season of life that I have already been living in prior to the pandemic, it doesn’t feel like such a big deal to me. Sure, surroundings are different, accents are very different, driving is even more different, and people are suspiciously nice in the NW compared to where I lived before about an hour north of Boston. However, I supposed there has been so much disorder in the world and if I’m honest, in my own life to an extent, that moving across the country late into but still in the pandemic after having lived in New England for 15 years doesn’t seem terribly groundbreaking.

We’ve all endured over a year of political turmoil, arguably years of that in the United States at least, though more severe this past year or two. We’ve all endured police brutality surrounding the murder of George Floyd. Yet, another African American person killed by the police with a severe penalty for a minor issue. Then, a whole global movement resulted after this one with protests and in some places rioting at the injustice of police seeming to get away again with murdering black people. A reality that has existed for hundreds of years in the United States where justice hasn’t always applied to all people, and the values and virtues this country was founded upon which are stellar have been denied to many peoples. We’ve endured the social media backlash and back and forth fighting between people we know, some of which profess to be Christians, or seemed to be good, well-adjusted people, or seemed perhaps to not have an issue with us until suddenly we made that post and all hell has been unleashed by people who maybe rarely communicate with us, people who might not even truly know us, and people we may know well who have positioned themselves as our adversaries at least online. We’ve endured countless virtue signaling, meme sharing about causes for and against something we care about, and people repeatedly not listening and shouting over one another online. We’ve even seen in the past year this behavior go public with people reacting against Covid protocols or supporting the protocols and strongly encouraging others to do the same.

I worked in a cafe for awhile where in the past year people who refused to adhere to wearing masks and insisted upon dining in when we were doing only take-out would regularly create hostile confrontations, seek to start a fight, flip us off, curse at us, throw trash at us, drive by with a loud speaker yelling at people to not support our business since people can’t dine in and peeling off while showcasing 4-6 American flags in the bed of their truck. Many places have experienced horrible behavior by people this past year and a half. We’ve seen the rise of alternative flags in the US. The American flag has become insufficient and no longer valid to many who prefer a modified flag to support their cause or lifestyle (Blue Lives Matter, military/gun rights support flag, gay rights flag, etc). Churches which seemed perhaps to support political causes and candidates, have seemed to abandon greatly their focus of following Jesus while loving the poor, weak, marginalized, and oppressed in the midst of a season when so many are hurting and have gone full-sail toward political causes, many no longer supporting what they once stood for and for a year and a half have failed to represent. Many churches have been calling people who adhere to CDC guidelines in not gathering for a season, wearing a mask, distancing as having abandoned Jesus and left the church even though many of those people, if not all, have simply been viewing and participating remotely for a time while still supporting the church, and as a result those people have felt abandoned and discarded by the church which has turned against itself while paradoxically desiring to reach those very people it has exiled, isolated, and abandoned taking on the role in the story of the Good Samaritan of the non-Samaritan characters who continued on and didn’t stop to help someone in need. There is a whole other level of turmoil happening in churches right now.

Needless to say as I could go on for the length of this post, the world has been in disarray. There is disorder. Chaos. People long for normalcy but are unable to attain it, and are acting out and in some cases destructively whether to others or themselves.

I myself found myself in February during the long Maine/New England winter and suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, in light of this past year, feeling especially down, depressed, isolated. I was saddened by what I was witnessing and experiencing with the church and many churches. I was saddened by how people were acting online. I was saddened by the state of the world in the midst of a pandemic. I was aware of many of the behavioral issues that have begun to manifest in many people as a result of such a prolonged time of distancing from others, separation from community, but had slid into my own sad, depressed season. All the feelings of life in transition only magnified to feel that much stronger, heavier, greater than they had felt before. What do I mean by life in transition?

I pastored a church for 5-6 years. It was my first church after seminary. I was excited to find a church and take on a full-time job in ministry with a salary and a few benefits. However, I learned shortly upon arriving that the church misrepresented their theology (what they believe), their health (whether there had been problems and divisions in the church), their finances (that all was paid for when they were in the midst of a major crisis), and their size to me. I learned upon arriving that they had a long history, had done some cool things in the past, were thriving in the 50s and 60s and maybe even the 70s, but they had many problems and divisions and splits over the years and were still holding onto that moment of what appeared to be good health in the 50s-70s. In reality, what they were holding onto wasn’t healthy and their grasping firmly, stubbornly onto what wasn’t good became the undoing of the church. All the healthy Christians left the church for other churches in the area and many younger people simply moved to the city as many do. The people who remained were the people who caused the problems in the church, all of which were of the same relative age of 70-80 years old, and that group was declining as one by one they were passing away still clinging stubbornly to their concept of what a healthy church looked like in the past which in reality was the beginning of the end and source for years of turmoil and chaos. I arrived and learned the church had a handful of members left, most nearing the end, and they had a big church building and not enough people to support the buildings basic operating costs. The church didn’t believe what I believed theologically and most had forgotten, never known, or ignored the Gospel of Jesus Christ while clinging so firmly to a vision of what the church was in the 50s-70s which was lots of programs, a big building, and a belief that people will just want to come to a worship service and be a part of the church rather than the reality that most people in New England are perfectly content to drive by the building on Sunday morning and any day of the week to enjoy their weekend activities or weekly responsibilities. The church couldn’t afford to pay my salary longer than a handful of months and I wasn’t making much for a salary and was content to do without benefits until the church could afford them.

Over the years, I was able to revitalize that tiny, unhealthy church. We sold the parsonage to support the church long enough to be able to consider a long-term solution to the problem of a big building and small church membership. I worked hard to plan meetings with guest speakers to consider various pathways forward from planting a new church, to joining another church, to working with outside groups for help, and other scenarios. I also worked hard at preaching and teaching the Gospel of Jesus. There were some people who yelled at me after preaching telling me they no longer needed to hear about Jesus, they have heard about Him, and are ready for other things. Not realizing that that attitude was itself the problem and cause for the church’s decline. It was a very difficult first church to pastor, let alone for any pastor one fresh out of seminary. There were many conflicts, problems, and even at one point a coup to have me removed from the church (which didn’t happen as the one malicious couple found they were the only ones with their very flawed opinion). There was a good result after that, but all of it took a toll on me. The church was revitalized with new life, new believers, but was still very small and couldn’t support the building. The older members had clung to the building itself and the history, but I believed that the building was a tool, an instrument, a gift given by God to serve the members and the local community. It was resource for God’s Kingdom, not really ours to begin with, but God’s. We began to consider what kind of legacy we could leave and lasting impact we could make for God’s Kingdom, and I believed that as the church is the people, not the place, we could give the building to another church in the area and work with them to help found or start a new church in the community that could outlast us. If they believe the Gospel, then they are brothers and sisters in Christ, not competitors so why not work together for the Kingdom in the local community? So, we decided to gift the building for free to a church I found after meeting with several pastors and then meeting with their leadership for many months to envision new ministries. The larger church I worked with to envision new ministries, help understand the local ministry context, and found the future church with sought me as a campus pastor of what would become a campus of their larger church in a different location. I decided to look for ministries elsewhere and take some time after the transition to rest a bit from what was a challenging season of ministry with an amazing outcome. In May 2016, we held the last service of FBC Kittery Point and after we finished all the paperwork and legal work, gifted the finances to local community organizations and ministries, gave away physical resources to help struggling churches in the area, we closed the doors to FBC Kittery Point in order for renovation work to begin for what is now Bethany Church at Kittery Point. Bethany Church at Kittery Point couldn’t have and likely wouldn’t have happened were it not for myself and a small group of healthy church members who agreed that the church is the people, not the place, and that the building was merely a tool given by God to bless a local community and be used for God’s Kingdom, not the selfish desires of it’s members.

So, since then, I have worked in coffee shops as a barista and lead barista, and supervisor, while also doing pulpit supply to various churches in southern Maine and New Hampshire, and serving on the preaching and liturgy team for a church in southern Maine while applying to many church ministry jobs. It has been a long time applying and not finding a ministry, and it has not been easy to go through some search processes that have gone on for 1-2 years only to find that I didn’t make the final cut for the selection committee for a church job and have to start over again. It has been a long season of transition. I time when things have seemed “up in the air.” The order and structure that I enjoyed has been exchanged for a bit of chaos and disorder. I time of unknowing what will happen next, as if we know what to expect any given day anyway, I know. However, my point is that I experienced a particular season of feeling intensely down about not finding a position and longing for a greater sense of community in February of this past year in the midst of Covid which intensified my pre-existing feelings of isolation, depression, anxiety. I looked around for help or encouragement and all I could find was angry, bitter people online and in the church, all of which didn’t seem to care about anything I had to say or care to listen.

It was at that time that I turned to the One who is always there for me no matter the season or chaos of life, God, and prayed as with so many Psalmists that I would be lifted up from the pit that I was in and if not provided a ministry job for security, to find a greater sense of security and peace in Jesus to weather the chaotic season of life I was inhabiting.

I developed a habit during Covid of regularly going to the beach and sitting in my car roadside and listening to podcasts. I don’t recall how I discovered it, but somehow I discovered several podcasts that God used to lift me out of that pit. One was a podcast by Bridgetown Church of Portland, OR, a sermon series called Future Church which seemed to directly call out and address from a biblical point of view all the issues and challenges we have been facing in the US and in the world during Covid, and especially as a church. I also learned of the podcast called This Cultural Moment by John Mark Comer and Mark Sayers, and the podcast Fight Hustle, End Hurry. Then, I listened to miscellaneous podcasts from Reality Church SF by Dave Lomas, Church of the City NY by Jon Tyson, and Red Church Melbourne by Mark Sayers from which I also got connected to Rebuilders podcast. Now, I’m not just listening to podcast after podcast, but mean to share all these that have benefited me in hopes of helping anyone who might presently find themselves in a similar “pit.” While listening to the podcast from Bridgetown Church and the series called Future Church, I purchased and began reading John Mark Comer’s book, “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry.” Those podcasts and that books collectively were used by God to bring me out of that pit and into a healthier place spiritually, mentally.

In a way, my life was in disarray or felt it, and I was turning and grasping for something to provide some sense of stability. We’ve all felt this way the past year and a half. However, rather than turn to God, we have often turned to ideologies, hobbies, food, getaways, or various things to get our minds off the mess that we find ourselves in. The focus of John Mark Comer’s book was that we are all digitally distracted by screens that vie for our attention, and that actually have people who engineer devices in order to addict and consume us, making us the products rather than the devices per se. In addition to practical steps taken to disconnect our lives and minds from our devices such as our phones or the mind numbing capabilities of streaming shows on Netflix, Comer also suggests age-old practices, spiritual disciplines such as prayer, fasting, Sabbath, meditation, and Scripture reading to reorient our minds toward God and others. I found that this was precisely what I needed. I still spend more time that I should on my phone and watching shows, however, I’m less connected than I used to be and that is an incredibly good thing. I’ve also taken strides to practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer, fasting, meditation which isn’t simply an Eastern Buddhist practice but also has roots in early Christianity. Hurry has been the enemy of my joy and peace. So, I’ve practiced slowing down, engaging with God, others, and nature more. I have felt less anxious, less worries, more at peace in the midst of chaos and disorder. Our world is still in disorder to a great extent, but that doesn’t mean your inner life has to be. I found that all the people online who have been acting out and people who were bitter and angry in public were overly anxious, distracted digitally which translated to lacking empathy for others, and most importantly were grasping for some stability in their chaotic lives but reaching for that stability in a place that couldn’t provide anything but more instability.

People seem to have lost their sense of identity in their lives in the midst of Covid and other issues going on in the world. People seem to have found a greater sense of purpose and identity not in Jesus, but in some ideology or hobby this past year. The result is more people have become more bitter, angry, and depressed than ever before. I believe, as cliche as it will sound, that the solution is for people to grasp for some stability that can actually provide a good footing – that of Jesus rather than something else. The way forward to engaging in a civil way with others, the way forward for fractures in the church to be mended, the way forward for divisions to be reconciled, the way forward for a church to provide healing and love to a world in chaos is in, by, and through Jesus Christ. As the church, simply stated, we have lost our way grasping for innovative ways to reach culture and have taken our footing on the wrong ground. Now, we find that ground falling beneath our feet and looking for something to hold onto so we don’t fall ourselves. To the church, I say, come back to Jesus. Jesus is what it is all about. Loving God and loving others is what we are called to as Christians, and it is what we were made for. Eliminating things or regulating things in our lives that are detracting from time with God and others will introduce joy and peace into our lives and provide that footing we’ve been looking for. We have gone adrift in so many secondary issues and ideologies, we have forgotten “Our first love” to reference that church given a strict warning at the beginning of the book of Revelation.

When you come back to Jesus, you can find rest, and be released to go out into the world which is hurting amid the chaos and provide love and healing to people in need. You may be in a prolonged season of transition or simply exhausted/jaded from this pandemic and all the issues happening in the world, whatever your situation, know that God in Jesus Christ loves you, He died on a cross so that you could experience life and joy and peace in Him, and no longer live in shame and guilt because of sin. God looked upon you before you were born, when you were at your lowest of low, and said in essence, “I love you. I will die for you and give my all so that you can experience restoration and life and joy and peace.”

So, I leave this long post with a question, do you find yourself anchored to Jesus amidst the storm of cultural chaos and digital distraction, or are you adrift and grasping for some sense of stability in your life but looking in all the wrong places? Come back to Jesus. He loves you.

If God works all things for the good, why is there so much bad in my life?

There have been no shortage of abuses and misrepresentations of Romans 8:28. People in the church often use it out of context to comfort one another through whatever crisis they may be presently experiencing as if Paul were basically saying, “If you’re a Christian, than no matter how challenging, difficult, or confusing life may seem, take comfort in the fact that God will make everything work out alright.” This has led many to think God will make all manner of things happen in one’s life ultimately to serve the individual’s own selfish desires in life’s present circumstance.

So, if there is financial hardship for example, they would claim God would give you finances in order to be financially stable. If physical illness, God would give you healing so you might have the ‘good’ of not experiencing said illness or affliction, etc. Not only have people in the church taken up this misrepresentation of Romans 8:28, but many Christian books and publishers have jumped on board to further abuse this verse which in truth is a priceless gem of Scripture and genuine encouragement regarding the goodness and faithfulness of God.

So, what does Paul mean when he writes, “… all things work together for good”?

The first thing to note is that Paul doesn’t mean our good or simply whatever desire we may have for ourselves. The ‘good’ Paul writes of is not our good, although it is good for us and to our benefit. For example, when a good, loving parent raises a child, the parent may provide things that the child presently desires such as candy or desserts or a toy, however, the parent will not give the things to their child whom they love all the time even if their child desires them all the time. A loving parent provides and withholds out of love for their child, that is, for their good. It is not good for the child to get what they want all the time, so a loving parent sees that a child receives things that will nourish it and help it to grow, that will keep it safe, and things that will make it feel happy, healthy, and loved. So it is with our relationship with God that we, not unlike small children ever needy but rarely wanting what we truly need, will ask God to give us the desires of our hearts and then become, like a child, frustrated and angry with God when we don’t get what we want.

Does this mean this verse is wrong and God doesn’t work all things for the good?

Absolutely not! It means that we have misunderstood the passage and misunderstood God. God is perfectly good, loving, and faithful. So, we can trust that if something doesn’t seem to work out in a good way in our lives that God, our Loving Parent, has a good purpose for it in our lives that we likely don’t see or recognize as good in our present circumstance. God is omniscient as well as omnibenevolent, so while we may think we understand our lives well as we live them better than anybody, our perspective in comparison to God’s (aside from being sinful and flawed, and God being perfect and sinless) is like seeing the shape, color, and size of our favorite flower and believing that we know that flower better than anyone when in reality God not only knows all we know of that flower but knows all the universe down to the subatomic makeup of the earth and every single flower in the past, present, and future from before time began as the Creator of all things and sustainer of all things.

When God’s greatness and power and love and understanding is then applied to our lives, we can begin then to grasp how things may not appear very good for us but also that God is working behind the scenes for our good which may not because of our selfish, sinful nature correspond with what is good to us in the moment. Our thinking is as one solitary flower when God’s is more vast than the universe, deeper than the subatomic, and as expansive as all of time past, present, and future, and even before time began, so we can most certainly trust God with the circumstances of our lives even when we can’t comprehend how something could possibly be for our good or even when something is clearly bad that God will use it for the good of His all-loving, all-benevolent, all-knowing purpose in our lives.

The ground for Paul’s statement in Romans 8:28 is in the following 2 verses in God’s activity in the past, present, and future in regards to conforming the follower of Jesus to the image of Christ. Now, the Apostle Paul doesn’t provide this encouragement without qualification. He begins, “… for those who love God…” which is to say those who have been bought with the blood of Christ, the redeemed, those reconciled ones who no longer are enemies of God, those who supernaturally have such a transformed heart that they can, by no power in and of themselves, but purely by God as His Spirit gives the ability can claim to love God.

As John writes, “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:10),” and later, “We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).” So, those who love God can only do so because God has changed their heart of stone to flesh (See Ezekiel 11:19) and by His Spirit caused them to turn from a life of sin to the Gospel of grace in Christ Jesus. The ‘good’ Paul writes about is for those who love God, but that is not the only qualification Paul provides in Romans 8:28. Paul also writes, “… for those who are called according to his purpose.” So, the ‘good’ that God works is for those who are called by God and works according to His purpose.

What purpose?

That is to be conformed to the image of Jesus for the glory of God the Father (vv. 29-30). The reality of a follower of Jesus being conformed fully to the image of Jesus will not come to fruition until after Jesus returns and brings about the new heavens and new earth where genuine followers of Jesus will dwell with God. Therefore, the ‘good’ is a future glory that awaits those who persevere by faith and it is certain indicated by the wording “glorified.” So, there may be a great deal of suffering and bad things that happen in the life of a follower of Jesus which should not be at all surprising, I mean, look at what happened to Jesus’ first disciples. However, the encouragement for the follower of Jesus is not in a change in their temporary circumstances that they may be facing as severe or harsh as they may be, but in the reality that as clouds parted and dissolved by the bright sun the bad that we face and experience will not last forever in that all we face is preparing us for a future glory where there is no more suffering, evil, tears, sin.

A ‘good’ that is beyond all present worldly comparison is a good that Christians can hope for and that doesn’t evaporate like the false interpretations of Romans 8:28 which anchor a hope in a change of present worldly circumstances being the ‘good,’ but rather in a ‘good’ that is fixed in the activity of God, that is certain, that nothing can change or take away. This is a hope that is imperishable, undefiled, unfading, kept in heaven, and more precious than gold (1 Peter 1).